


How I Got This Hallelujah

by Luna



Category: The Strange Case of Starship Iris (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Make the Yuletide Gay, Monologue, Post-Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:34:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21828271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luna/pseuds/Luna
Summary: A transmission from Violet Liu to Earth.
Relationships: Violet Liu/Arkady Patel
Comments: 15
Kudos: 54
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	How I Got This Hallelujah

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jaggedwolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaggedwolf/gifts).



> Beta by [redacted]. Title from a lyric by HAIM.
> 
> Happy Yuletide!

_Ready?_

Honestly, no. How could I be? But—okay. Deep breaths. Let’s do this.

Hey, Dad.

If you're hearing my voice, it's because we've managed to hack around the Re—the Republic communications firewall and a dozen security protocols. Which is a pretty big if. And if this does get through, someone will find the breach soon enough, and trace it back—

_They’ll chase their own tails for a while first, but yeah._

Once you've played this message, it's going to erase itself and take most of your data with it. I wish there was a better way. But this has to be enough. So...get Mom? If you can?

Okay. I hope you're both there. And here I am. I'm alive.

I'm so sorry. I mean, sorry you didn't know, not sorry that—oh, you understand. The point is, even though I can't tell you where I've been, or where I'm going, I had to at least let you know that I'm all right. I'm safe. As safe as I've ever been.

So. I was left behind on the ship when the shuttle exploded and killed everyone but me. I was all alone in the deep. I know it’s a cliché, but my life flashed before my eyes. Sort of. It wasn't like seeing a montage in a movie. It was more...these waves of feeling? Like, everything I've ever been afraid of: that princess lamp I broke when I was three, my first shift as a medic, the summons I got to serve on the Iris. Every story about the war. All of that fear came slamming down and knocked the wind out of me. Then a wave of sadness, a wave of anger. But all my happiness came back, too. Birthdays, schoolgirl crushes, the first time I saw a real snake. Cooking and singing and driving home from school with you.

We all carry so much around, so many scars and memories and gifts we don't even know we have until something huge snaps them into focus.

I was lucky. It was a good life, because of you. You did all you could to protect me, and give me a push when I needed one. You never let me give up on myself, even when I wanted to. The one solid, certain thing in my life was how much you loved me. So please hold on to that, and don't feel guilty about what I'm going to say next.

I was lonely. I was lonely _all the time._

Part of that was in my head. My neuroses, my anxiety making it hard to reach out. But sometimes that fear was rational. It's dangerous, opening up to a new person, being yourself with them. Your real self, not the socially-approved version that follows all the rules and never has doubts. It's the same kind of risk I'm taking by sending you this message.

Loneliness was my normal, so constant that most of the time it hardly even hurt. It made sense to me. And it made sense that no one from the IGR was going to come to my rescue. I knew I wasn't worth it.

The people who found me stranded out there? Complete strangers. Nothing in it for them. They saved my life because it seemed like the right thing to do.

_Well, the Captain thought so. I was secretly planning to ransom you off for a sack of kumquats._

Shh. That's not true.

_I dunno, Liu, fresh fruit is pretty hard to come by, and everyone likes to say kumquat._

The truth is, you can't avoid danger in a vacuum. There are no rules to follow, just choices to make, with impossibly long odds and consequences that...well, on a good day, it's _only_ life and death at stake. These people did more than just rescue me. They showed me how to survive out here. It's so hard, and yet it's so simple. We trust each other. Completely.

I wish you could know them the way I do. I dream about bringing them home, sometimes, and it always makes me smile. I see us touching down on some remote airfield and sneaking into the city to show up at your front door. Obviously we'd have a lot to explain—

_Minor details like the stolen starship and the multiple bounties on our heads._

But in my imagination, I just say, "Hey, guys. This is my crew."

We've got a daring pilot who literally laughs in the face of death, and a translator who geeks out about language like I do about caterpillars. They also both happen to be incredibly sweet, and kind, and strong enough not to let anyone or anything grind the joy out of them. And hey, Dad, they have _precisely_ your sense of humor.

Our captain is a living legend on some planets, and if there's any justice, someday you'll know her name. She inspires the kind of loyalty that the leaders of the IGR think they deserve. Only she earns it, works her ass off for it, every single day. This is a woman who built her own ship out of junk, made it into a home among the stars, and sacrificed it on New Jupiter for us without a second's hesitation.

She listens to every point of view and never asks for anything she's not willing to give. She's always prepared for the worst, because she's seen it, lived through—more than I know. And yet. Somehow, she still believes in us. All of us: humanity, the possibility of a better world. She makes us want to live up to her faith. If one person had to take charge of the entire universe, she'd have my vote.

_She wouldn't want the job in a million years._

That's kind of my point. Oh, and when I signed on, she actually made me this jacket. She held it out and when I put it on, it felt like the warmest hug. You have to love someone who fixes sub-light engines, negotiates with mobsters, plays the guitar, _and_ wields a mean Bedazzler.

I definitely shouldn't have mentioned the mobsters. Uh, Mom, Dad, I know it's insane to tell you not to worry, but don't worry about that part, okay?

Look, here's the thing: if there's one person I trust more than the Captain, it's the person who's watching her back.

That person whose voice you've been hearing in the background, who laughed out loud when I said "princess lamp," the reason I'm able to talk to you for maybe the last time? That's Arkady.

I need you to know her name, even if it's a big risk to take.

I was sure I'd never speak to another human being again, until I heard her voice. She talked me into cryosleep, and she was there when I woke up. It seems like a hundred years ago. I was so damn naive, I can't believe I...

_Bought every lie I told you, hook, line, and sinker?_

No, I thought the world existed in black and white, and everyone chose one side or the other. I'd lived with that conditioning for so long I couldn't even acknowledge the shades of gray. And if the explosion brought a lifetime of emotions rushing back to the surface, it was you, Arkady, you made me see in full color.

_I—_

Don't make fun of me for using a cheesy metaphor right now!

_Wasn't gonna—_

And don't you dare get snarky or self-deprecating, either. Let me finish. Mom and Dad, this is Arkady Patel. She didn't have anyone like you to raise her. She had to do it alone. Everything that she is, she found inside herself. She's lightning fast, and ferociously smart, and so tough it's a little ridiculous sometimes, Ms. _It's-Only-A-Flesh-Wound._ She's the best at just about everything she does, which includes saving my life. I've had to stop counting how many times.

She's a cynic, or so she claims, but she's glowering at me already because she knows what I'm about to say. Deep down, she wants to be wrong, and she wants the Captain to be right. It's like—like how we all know that most of the stars we see are long dead, but when you pick out one to wish on, you know there's at least a chance it's still burning. Shining.

Arkady was born to fight for that chance. And if I can be a part of her fight, well, that's not a bad way to spend the rest of my life.

Are you—blushing?

_No. For the record, I do not blush._

Sure, Arkady. You don’t blush, ever.

_...Thanks. Um. Clock’s ticking._

Yes. God, okay. Dad. Mom. This is already too long. I really hope that you both got this, and nobody else. I hope I'm not getting you into worse trouble than I realize, or causing you more pain than I already have. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more. I want to. I want to keep talking forever so I don't have to say—but I have to let you go.

When I was about to die, I asked Arkady to send you a message. She promised she would, and here she is, keeping her end of the bargain even though I’m doing the talking.

In spite of the darkness of that moment, and everything that's happened since then, everything that's changed, I remember what I asked her to say. Do you, Arkady?

_Word for word._

I love you. It doesn't hurt. I'm not scared.

We’re not scared.

Wish us luck.


End file.
